I’ve thought long and hard about this inaugural post as a Bloomer. I’ve never been a fan of introducing myself, and have always avoided it like the plague on forums and such, so wasn’t really keen on a whole blog post just to say “hello my name’s Sarah & I just started working at Bloom Media”. Something about it reminds me of nightmarish training courses where your made to introduce yourself and give some unusual fact, or the name of a celebrity you’ve met (I have a lot of unusual hobbies so struggle to choose and don’t know anyone famous).

So instead of introducing myself I thought I would treat you to some of the worst social media introductory posts I have ever seen. Some of these are real corkers. To get the full effect I recommend that you imagine someone standing in front of you at a party, and these are the first words you hear from them…

Identity Crisis – would you let this person in your home

“Hi we are two male rats. I am all cream and Smokey is gray. We have moved into our new home last night when we left our brothers and sisters, We have come to live here with two girls and their mam and dad, we are getting spoilt already we had lots of loves last night and today for breakfast we had Tuna cat food and grapes we have a a bowl full of mix, We are going to get more cuddles later on today but for now smokey is eating and I am nodding off, Hope to get the girls mam to go on this site more to find out all the lovely things she can give and do with us”

Biggest Trout – How to establish yourself as the biggest trout in the room

“Hi all. My record brown trout is 5lb taken on a daddy longlegs at Swanswater fishery,unfortunately i had to return it as it was a week after the brown trout season ended.My record rainbow is just under 10lbs from Inverawe fishery.”

Doesn’t get out much – Whatever you do, don’t ask her how she is

“Hi All, This is [removed] reporting. Married to [removed] for the past 39yrs and reside in [removed]. We tow a Sprite Swing with an Isuzu Double Cab V6.Just bought this Van in January. Before that Sprite Solar. Caravan’s name: LIFE AT THE TOP as we think caravanning is absolutely just that. We have 3 children, 2 sons 45 & 43yrs and one daughter 36yrs(This age thing sounds strange but true. Work it out yourself ???? Also six grandchildren .Our Daughters two children [removed] 16 ½ and [removed] 12yrs camp with us most of the time especially December holidays. We camp every second month end, sometimes even more as I am sooooo scared the tyres on the caravan will go square if we don’t keep them rolling often. We like to camp close to home these days max 3hrs drive. We like it at Sondela, Monateng, Umoya. Mbize and also Atlanta (Going to Atlanta this coming weekend.) There are so many good camps in this area. We do our December stint at Monateng as we love the private ablution and kitchen, also very close to home and good entertainment for the kids at the Colonade in Pretoria. We both work at [removed] in Boksburg. [removed] a Draughtsperson and myself Telecommunications Manager. We always say camping & Africa is not for “” sissies”” so going camping in the winter does not bother us at all. Well that it for now Cheers [removed]

I’ve just gone deaf – There’s no mistaking when Jake enters the room

“HI BIG JAKE SCOTTISH REBEL MEMEBER OF NORTN CAROLINIA,S SOUTHERN HIGHLAND BRIGADE SCOTTISH DIVISION.”

My parties are much better - Ever get the feeling someone just doesn’t want to be there

“I joined mainly to get the free kits to use with my own scrapbook software. If this is still a beta then I forgive you guys. I use a lot of [removed] programs but this? Hmm good luck, I may check back now and then.”

So there you have it, 5 ways not to say hello. As for me, well all I can say is; Hi, nice to meet you.

Image Credit: With Thanks to Bump